I'm impervious to logic.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

You are created with your special features that you need to fulfill your destiny and why it is so important to accept them

She was well primed with a good load of Delahunt's port under her bellyband.

All men of action are dreamers.

A man has only one escape from his old self: to see a different self in the mirror of some woman's eyes.

Bob Dylan led me to this kind of music - and it's his and ours. And it's nobody else's.

I don't have nothing to regret at all in the past, except that I might've unintentionally hurt somebody else or something.

The rights of Englishmen are derived from God, not from king or Parliament, and would be secured by the study of history, law, and tradition.

When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.

That's the way I do things when I want to celebrate, I always plant a tree.