I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

She was stronger alone…

We can say that wisdom causes us to know, while understanding enables us to act.

If faith in ourselves had been more extensively taught and practiced, I am sure a very large portion of the evils and miseries that we have would have vanished.

I ain't the type for begging, I am not the type to plead. If she don't change those evil ways, I'm gonna make her bleed.

The plaintiff cannot dive into the secret recesses of his (the defendant's) heart.

Atheists are not Americans.

No, but you're wrong now, and always will be.

Again I entered my smithy to work and forge something from the noble material of time past.

One man meets an infamous punishment for that crime which confers a diadem on others.

Jesus himself has shown us by his own example that prayer and fasting are the first and most effective weapons against the forces of evil.