I'm in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

The highlight of my career? That's easy, Elvis recording one of my songs.

My earliest memory from childhood is of fishing with my father. And I remember vividly we were in a store, and we were buying a pup tent to go on our first camping trip.

Lightning never strikes twice in the same place--it doesn't have to.

Bugs have always loved me.

I have to say that Donald Trump is on probably about the 13th minute of fame.

Hey kids! Let's put on a show!

Geometry is the rules of all mental investigation

I'm trying to enjoy my lie as much as I can and I know that tennis hopefully is going to be my life the next 10, 15 years.

It is a wise tune that knows its own father, and I like my music to be the legitimate offspring of respectable parents.

All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.