I'm just a no-good, scum sucking, nose picking, boot licking, sniveling, groveling, worthless hunk of slime.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

I advise people to avoid workplaces that prevent Occupational Safety & Health Administration (OSHA) visits.

Self-improvement comes mainly from trying to help others.

God is able to really use a person, who puts all that he has got into his work, who works hard, sweating his guts out to the point of complete exhaustion, using the last of his strength

You know, that's the reality, but I always shoot movies for the screen, because that's just the experience that I want to get out of it.

As soon as the dirt is hitting the casket, it'll all be forgotten.

I never lost a tennis match, I just ran out of time

Men have got more of a discerning eye. They appreciate cut and details, things that aren't so obvious. They like things that have cachet and gentlemanliness.

The West pays money and piles up pressure to cause a strife between Islamic countries so that Muslims would kill each other and the West can obtain its desirable outcome thereby.

I am young enough to try my hands at all kinds of cinema.

Democracy is not just voting every 5 years and watching 'Big Brother' in between and wondering why nothing happens. Democracy is what we do and say where we live and work