I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Children must be taught mathematics well in anywhere under every condition at every age and so we can have more rational, more logical societies!

Netflix is in every country except China and North Korea. Enough people have seen the show. I mean, I'm in Patagonia and people recognize the show [ Narcos].

We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.

Living with a dog is easy- like living with an idealist.

Let your creative juices flow and don't be afraid to take chances!

A stomach accustomed to hunger is satisfied with very little.

We don't go anywhere. Going somewhere is for squares. We just go!

I think white is the most wonderful color of all, because within it one can find every color of the rainbow.

... the laws of physics and of logic ... the number system ... the principle of algebraic substitution. These are ghosts. We just believe in them so thoroughly they seem real.

The easily ridiculed, so-so status quo often hides Herculean efforts by those whom we take for granted, and who, working in the shadows, guarantee civilization instead of chaos.