I'm just wondering, folks, if I gave a speech on anti-capitalism, do you think I could be named Person of the Year by 'TIME Magazine?'

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous andshallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what youknow ain't so'.

I felt guilty all of a sudden, as if just by existing and talking to him I was leading him on.

Then the Miller fell off his horse.

Your old men shall dream dreams your young men shall see visions.

Grades are a subjective rating masquerading as an objective evaluation.

I'm kind of looking for something with a lot less action and more talking and listening.

When we cannot be delivered from ourselves, we delight in devouring ourselves.

Except among those whose education has been in the minimalist style, it is understood that hasty moral judgments about the past are a form of injustice.

Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time.

There's no other place that exemplifies a fanatic as much as Chicago. I feel like sports fans have bred out of Chicago.