I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

The chit is semi-animate (half-alive) and the mind is completely physical.

All the makeup in this world can never cover up an empty brain.

This is because secrets are terrible things. Even the simplest ones

I think there is a great deal of interest still in the Christian faith.

I'm sick. I've eaten civilisation and I'm sick.

When I first came to Hollywood, I used to dream of doing films and escaping television.

The bigger the game the better. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I feed off big crowds and noise.

I thought ‘I wonder what will happen if I try and root myself somewhere?‘ Look back over the past eight years.

I can't expect people to decide that they will change with me, so I can see why I'm on the old side.

A dwarf standing on the shoulders of a giant may see farther than a giant himself.