I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

You find peace not by looking but by giving.

For some soldiers, there is a greater war going on behind the gun's shadow of family and friends, than in front of the gun pointing at strange enemies.

There isn't much difference between "giving" and "leaving". While the former will ALWAYS come back to you, the latter will only do if it was meant to be yours in the first place.

Italians make you laugh and break your heart.

One is forced to speak not of what is held in common between the cultures, but what is held in common between the myths, and that in its simplest archetypal forms.

I think some of the best actors ever were little kids.

We all want to know what taxes we would pay under [Donald Trump] tax plan. That's a question.

Luck is a strong horse; it can carry man to very distant places!

A great number of people in the East German parts had been Nazis, so the change of mind was not altogether there.

The mark of a life governed by the Holy Spirit is that such a life is continually and ever more and more occupied with Christ, that Christ becomes greater and greater as time goes on.