I'm like the laziest person who ever lived. It's amazing to me I even sit up.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Yes I am, I am also a Muslim, a Christian, a Buddhist, and a Jew.

My brother got a .22 for his 12th birthday I got a .22. He got a hunting knife I got a hunting knife.

The more we oblige, the more we self-censor, the more we appease, the bolder the enemy gets.

I, who wanted danger, adventure, and love

My parents, who grew up in terror and dealt with segregation and humiliation, nonetheless taught us to be hopeful and open and loving and not hateful toward anyone.

All art intuitively apprehends coming changes in the collective unconsciousness.

I am still a little afraid of missing something if I forget that, as my father snobbishly suggested, and I snobbishly repeat, a sense of the fundamental decencies is parcelled out unequally at birth.

In a sense, all murderers are lunatics. Killing is a not a sane reaction to the circumstances of life.

There is always something wrong with a song, you can't be perfect.

Evil exists to glorify the good. Evil is negative good. It is a relative term. Evil can be transmuted into good. What is evil to one at one time, becomes good at another time to somebody else.