I'm making fun of midwestern homophobia [in the joke], but I'm still saying faggot. And almost every month as I'm doing that joke it gets five percent less of a laugh.

If you're into social justice it's hard not to be on black people's side.

Whoever has the most at stake should have the most power.

The rules may seem obvious but when you think about them they're not. For somebody who has my job they're not as obvious as one would think.

The victory of the show is in the writing. Coming up with sketches and stand-up bits. The rest is just hitting buttons on a machine more or less.

When I say the n-word, black people are clear that I'm on their side. And it's not disingenuous - I am on black people's side, clearly.

People get way too much credit at funerals.

[Robert Smigel] is one of the greatest comedy writers in the last 50 years. "TV Funhouse" and Triumph and all those sketches.He's really unique, and he has an amazing comedy mind.

I think it's naïve to think white people aren't singing along directly!

Models never say, "I'm hot." They say, "Look at these clothes." Whereas, with comedy, you have to say, "I'm hot."

I guess I like people doing roasts in public. That's my thing.

Because, once alone, it is impossible to believe that one could ever have been otherwise. Loneliness is an absolute discovery.

I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor. [-Rabo Karabekian]

It is the duty of Her Majesty's government neither to flap nor to falter.

we are the ones we have been waiting for

It felt like a dream.

I want to collapse. I want to fall on the sidewalk right there and drag myself to the ivy.

Surprisingly enough, I haven't had a letter from Amateur Boxing Scotland bosses offering their congratulations for my Melbourne medal win.

I'm a tough coach, but on the other side of that is me telling them to go all out, "because you're great, because I don't want you to fail, because you were born to do this and you have a dream."

A face that is really lovely in repose can fall apart if, when its owner stars to talk, she distorts every feature.

I'm trying to keep up with what's happening in this turbulent world.