I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: "Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy.".

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

... there is a whole hell of a lot of knowledge about the (expletive removed) human condition that we are not ready for.

A few songs with Him might change the way you sing. Forever.

Do not think of defeat if the battle is not won yet

Five rules to follow to be a great leader: 1. Be curious. 2. Serve others. 3. Be purpose oriented. 4. Be adaptive. 5. Be positive.

Orthodoxy on one side of the Pyrenees may be heresy on the other.

I remember my father explaining, "A capitalist system is a dog-eat-dog system."

You gotta lean towards the things that make you like yourself. Forget everything else.

Every step I take is a blessing.

There's so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.