I'm nicer on tax day than I am when I'm on deadline.

If you really believe in what you're doing, work hard, take nothing personally, and if something blocks your route, find another. Never give up.

You're fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is power in the shimmy! Make him fear your shimmy! Now, goddamnit, show me your war shimmy!

Small towns are sometimes like that; familiarity runs high, while regard for personal space is low, if nonexistent.

I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.

My family were staunch believers in physical violence, not automatic violence, and we had a Safeway around the corner, so we never really needed to kill anything.

Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them.

Everyone knows there's only one thing less welcome on a stage than a mime, and that's a clown, because everyone knows that clowns eat people.

Books are to me as homemade tattoos are to an inmate. Can't get enough of them.

I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.

I've never really considered doing stand up, but I have done readings/spoken word things fairly often in which I'll just tell a bunch of stories and run off at the mouth. I'm a big tangent person.

Let the past go, Bren, or it will ruin your future.

Remembering to be conscious is the beginning of inner peace and freedom.

But today, government is taking those rights from us, pretending that it gives us our rights. Indeed, those rights come from God, and it was recognized throughout our history as such.

The loss of young first love is so painful that it borders on the ludicrous.

America is never great. America is great in what it can be, which is the American dream.

He that has never known adversity is but half acquainted with others, or with himself.

It's no good having, being with people you can dominate all the time. Or being with someone who can dominate you all the time. Because either one is boring.

We see, not change of aspect, but change of interpretation.

The chances of running out of yarn on a project are directly related to the difficulty that you will have getting more.

Gender no longer forms an essential part of marriage; marriage under law is a union of equals.