I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Glancing at the bottle of tequila in Tate’s hand, Logan questioned much more calmly than he felt, “How full was that?”Tate lifted the quarter-empty bottle and shrugged. “Unopened. Why?

Now you know what hurt it brings to women when men come into the world. Remember, and make it up to your Mama and to all women.

When you are told that science has disproved the Bible, ask specifically where such is the case. True science and a true understanding of the Bible are never at variance.

My wife never look at me anymore, my children, my wife ... we only die once in our life. I'm dying every day when I get up in the morning.

I love books so much. I've read more books than anyone else I know.

Everyone thinks softball is a girl's game. But you only think that until you get hit with it on a line drive.

Nobody wants to make great albums now because nobody wants to buy them and there's no place to sell them.

The vision of a champion is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when nobody else is looking.

The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there... and still on your feet.

It is a gift. You cannot earn it, or it ceases to be a gift.