I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the day…You shake off your self-defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve.

True self confidence happens when you stop blaming others for not seeing what you love about yourself. Not everyone has the same list of needs.

You lost my interest, you aren't a nice guy and very nasty guy.

Faith that the thing can be done is essential to any great achievement.

The kind of experience of humility and happiness that comes with gratitude tends to crowd out whatever is coarse, or ugly, or mean.

To be a Bond girl you need courage, charm, determination and feistiness.

Hey, is this room out of bounds?

One has the right to be wrong in a democracy

Few friendships could survive the moodiness of love affairs.

I believe the American people are entitled to some straight talk when it comes to higher education funding.