I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

The nice thing is that, at least in Los Angeles, I'm known as a character actor and I do auditions for other things besides just cartoon shows.

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.

There is no strong beer, just weak men

Dream as you desire. Prepare to live as you dream.

I'm going to be a person who writes stories.I never told mom and dad how much I loved them.I wanna be someone who can tell a lot of people how much I love them.

It is only the man that has done his best that qualifies to ask for God’s protection and blessings. This message must return to our pulpit.

The right response to the non-problem of global warming is to have the courage to do nothing.

Woe to these people who have no appetite for the very dish that their age serves up.

Come on, lover, let's have a look," Eric said, giving me a quick kiss. He jumped off the back porch with me still attached to him—like a large barnacle

I liked movies so much that they became an obsession. I am still trying to kick the habit.

It is my feeling that Time ripens all things; with Time all things are revealed; Time is the father of truth.

Something has happened where you almost never grow up in America. Maybe it's the greater wealth.

Italy is divided between us and them, rich and poor, north and south, young and old, employed and unemployed.