I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.

You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person - you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.

Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.

There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.

The sacred is discovered in what moves and touches us, in what makes us tremble.

From the crooked timber of humanity, a straight board cannot be hewn.

If God were mortal and had but one life to give, he would have been more careful about how he created the world.

Funny thing about revenge. It could make a killer out of a nun.

Manners must adorn knowledge and smooth its way through the world.

I am always at a loss to know how much to believe of my own stories.

A bully can only make you feel bad about yourself if you let them.

I eat three meals a day and three juices a day.

If you're not nervous then you're not paying attention.