I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

To forget oneself-to lose oneself in the music, in the moment- that kind of absorption seems to be at the heart of every creative endeavor.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends upon the unreasonable man.

Keep your head and heart clear. Perspective can just as easily be lost as it can be found.

In all that you are living... As the problem flickers, the solution flickers too.

As men do walk a mile, women should talk an hour, After supper. 'Tis their exercise.

U.S. Constitution is under attack from Fundamentalist Islam and shari'a.

I think MTV should consider using subtitles. Half the time, even I can't understand what the fu*k I'm talking about.

Camouflage is about much more than concealment and going unnoticed. There's a whole game involved between revealing and hiding.

I wish I could, instead of destroying things like that, I wish I could build, build, build.

I kept.. ..returning to the (ancient Roman) wall paintings with their veiled melancholy and elegant plasticity.