I'm not a very serious Jew. I don't wear the protective religious headgear. They only wear that because 40% of all religious thoughts escape through the head.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Was it not worth the loss of a little immortality to have that strange mix of innocence and strength close to him?

Evaluate and assess your life on a daily

The commercial work of today is the classics of tomorrow.

Life for dreamers may not be easy, but it beats drifting. You never know where you'll end up drifting, maybe someplace good, maybe not." - L. R. W. Lee

I have no interest in dying.But I have to. I have to care one day about things that don't matter to me.

Peace is purchased in the currency of loss.

Being lost is worth the being found.

Putting women's traditional needs at the center of social planning is not reverse sexism. It's the best way to reverse the increasing economic vulnerability of men and women alike.

Want to know where the action in a culture is? Watch where new language is turning up and where the lawyers collect, usually in that sequence.

I know of no great men except those who have rendered great service to the human race.