I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Oh, Lizzy! do anything rather than marry without affection.

I saw my earlier selves as different people, acquaintances I had outgrown. I wondered how I could ever have been some of them.

Our real beliefs are generally not to be found at the level of ego.

And besides, we lovers fear everything

I don't learn so good, no matter how good the teacher is.

When Paris Hilton can top the bestsellers' lists, we are one more Connect Four move closer to Armageddon.

You just have to do what you know is right.

Generally the whole entertainment business now is bland.

Rise up nimbly and go on your strange journey to the ocean of meanings.... Leave and don't look away from the sun as you go, in whose light you're sometimes crescent, sometimes full.

He'd always been fascinated by her, drawn to her the way curious people are always drawn to things they don't understand.