I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

If we are a body, then we are one that is afflicted with an autoimmune disease.

To brighten your vision, look at the positive side of life with great love.

Life has it woes so learn to be on your toes, be alert.

Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.

The celebration of Advent is possible only to those who are troubled in soul, who know themselves to be poor and imperfect, and who look forward to something greater to come.

Sincerity is the highest complement you can pay

In fact, the Gospel shows us change comes from the bottom rather than the top, from an old rugged cross rather than a gold royal throne.

Joy is being fully aware of reality.

All great power has to do to destroy itself is persist in trying to do the impossible.

Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose.