I'm not familiar with the metric system.

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

I hate all sidekicks.

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

And i chose life and love and happiness and pain...

XXIV. And kneeling at the edge of the transparent sea I shall shape for myself a new heart from salt and mud

Never say no to coffee

We don’t live in a world that suffers from doubt, but one that suffers from certainty, false certainties that compensate for the well of worldly anxieties and worries.

A good leader is not elected, he is appointed.

Doubt is the father of invention.

Out of complexity, find simplicity!

It's always nice to get good feedback, and a bit of encouragement can go a long way.

I don't analyze too much, because then I'll question, 'Why do I write down all of these random little phrases?'

Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.