I'm not funny in person. I mean I'm really not. I'm one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.

I can't think of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are ignorant of almost everything.

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age.

If you can imagine a man having a vasectomy without anesthetic to the sound of frantic sitar-playing, you will have some idea of what popular Turkish music is like.

That's the trouble with losing your mind; by the time it's gone, it's too late to get it back.

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old.

Geologists are never at a loss for paperweights.

Of all the things I am not very good at, living in the real world is perhaps the most outstanding.

Physics is really nothing more than a search for ultimate simplicity, but so far all we have is a kind of elegant messiness.

Protons give an atom its identity, electrons its personality.

Why is it, I wondered, that old people are always so self-centered and excitable? But I just smiled benignly and stood back, comforted by the thought that soon they would be dead.

If you have to pray and sacrifice an animal to purify your heart, that is not a prayer. That is pure hatred.

Excellence is a high quality, that delivers the gold nugget of success.

You can’t control other people’s actions, but you can control who “thinks” they have control over you.

He has the lucidity which is the by-product of a fundamentally sterile mind.

You five and ten cent women with nothing in your heads, I got a real gal I'm loving and Lord I'll love her 'til I'm dead.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

We came down here to see this teddible scene: people all pissed out of their minds and vomiting on themselves and all that and now, you know what? It's us

I always use my husband's cocoa butter stuff. He has amazing skin!

The world is this incredibly blurry, crazy dream that I'm just sort of stumbling through.

An average person with average talents and ambition and average education, can outstrip the most brilliant genius in our society, if that person has clear, focused goals.