I'm not going to benefit from free college education, but I think all those things are good for the country.

I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.

Occasionally I'll watch Fox News for as long as I can tolerate it, or CNN. I'll watch until I get infuriated, but you got to know what they're talking about and what they're not talking about.

I like pot, I enjoy pot, I like to smoke it. But, the one thing I don't like about pot is the subculture it's spawned. I think it's embarrassing and really juvenile and uncreative

You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy.

Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different.

We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country.

I went to a bunch of marches in New York and Washington, and you know I believe in the cause, but to march with those people takes a lot of compromise on my end.

Declarations of love amuse me. Especially when unrequited.

If you have life you have money but if you have money you don't have life, for life is like every precious thing you need

Only by avoiding the beginning of things can we escape their end.

...if I do not introduce people to Jesus, then I don't believe Jesus is an important person. It doesn't matter what I say.

There were occasionally rifts in the cloud where the face of a woman appeared, frowning.

If it were a choice between me getting killed or one of my friend's kids, I would happily take the shot.

Some have called Afghanistan 'the graveyard of empires,' and it probably is the graveyard of empires.

I need to behave in a way that will cause people to take me seriously.

There is less flogging in our great schools than formerly-but then less is learned there; so what the boys get at one end they lose at the other.