I'm not going to talk too much politics because I'm not smart enough to do that.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

There's going to be a real ding dong when the bell goes.

My dad was also a teacher until he was 34. I think there is a basis in reality. But I'd only done two jobs before I was an actor. I worked in a petrol station and I worked in a supermarket.

If you do everything in your power to avoid writing and still can't, then you must be a writer.

I would be lost without the feeling of antagonism that people have towards me. I write out of defiance.

The only limits are, as always, those of vision.

Love Is Stronger Than Pride

In features, one of the goals is to have the audience walk out, fully satisfied. In today's world, it's maybe wanting a sequel.

A cat for a hat, or a hat for a cat. But nothing for nothing.

Some people attach snowboards to their feet, very few attach them to their souls.

Facebook is a really exciting place trying to do something really important that I really believe in. And it matters.