I'm not graceful either. I have no rhythm, I'm never on top.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

If life is a business, then you are blessed with an abundance of capital which is your unconditional love.

The world is not beautiful. Therefore it is.

The problem comes when you say that danger is part of the equation. Then you don't do any more work on safety. That shouldn't happen.

Tate University - A large football stadium, with a college attached.

Glory consists of two parts: the one in setting too great a value upon ourselves, and the other in setting too little a value upon others.

A functional team must make the collective results of the group more important to each individual than individual members' goals.

You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.

Anything that we love seems to always come out in some form or another, but once it gets into your brain, these things get processed, and they come out in new shapes and forms.

You know what happens to people who lie. They get sick and they get cancer. If they keep lying, they get it again.

Our Heavenly Father can appreciate our love for Him by how well we serve Him and how well we serve our fellowmen.