I'm not holding you against your will; I'm holding you against your car.

If you're looking for Mr. Perfect, you‟re going to spend your whole life being disappointed, because he doesn‟t exist. You have to get the best deal you can, but there will always be problems.

I have a real low tolerance for parasites, and you're so close to the limit that I'm already reaching for the flea powder.

A village somewhere was missing it's idiot.

Sign by elevator put up by computer geeks in office building: REMEMBER: FIRST YOU PILAGE, THEN YOU BURN. THOSE WHO DO NOT COMPLY WILL BE SUSPENDED FROM THE RAIDING TEAM. In Mr Perfect

Women were always complications, bless their perverse little hearts.

Pleasure was a siren, luring her to experience more

If death turned out to be a lack of being rather than a lack of consciousness, well, then, that sucked.

Don’t kiss me,” she said warningly. “I don’t intend to,” he replied, smiling a little. “I don’t have my whip and chair with me.

He needed a woman. Bad.

The world was divided into two groups: those who showered at night, and those who showered in the morning.

I'm dying from about ninety-nine kinds of shame

I was the quiet kid in the corner, reading a book. In elementary school, I read so much and so often during class that I was actually forbidden from reading books during school hours by my teachers.

I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.

Labor and trouble one can always get through alone, but it takes two to be glad.

Improvisation, for me, is when the cameras start rolling, we don't know where we're going and let's just waste people's time and money.

God has never given anybody a dream that He did not want that person to fulfill.

Guilt is to danger, what fire is to gunpowder; a man need not fear to walk among many barrels of powder, if he have no fire about him.

Every film is a challenge. I always say that making a movie is like film school - you're always learning. But unlike most schools, you never get done with it. You never learn everything.

Education today is a process of filling the mind with the contents of books, emptying the contents in the examination hall and returning empty-headed.

I have learnt to love you late, Beauty at once so ancient and so new!