I'm not looking for a paycheck.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm down with just the Backstreet Boys.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

After all is said and done, you are free to choose but you are not free from the consequence of your choice.

Don't pretend to comfort me, my friend. I might also pretend to not let you down.

Make yourself a slave to good habits

A hundred years from now? All new people.

It doesn't matter if they're in front of the camera or behind the camera. I know women who are producers who are surviving on nothing but juice and almonds.

A society in which marriage is encouraged and industry prevails soon repairs the accidental losses of pestilence and war.

There will be fiscal issues that are appropriate to discuss.

Factory farming, of course, does not cause all the world's problems, but is is remarkable just how many of them intersect there.

Tree sitting is a last resort. When you see someone sitting in a tree trying to protect it, you know that every level of our society has failed.

Playing safe is very risky.