I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

I had a crazy life for a teenager. I lived in New Jersey, but I'd go to Vermont for three weeks, join a commune, take pictures with the guy I was dating, come back home, and post photos.

I have enough muscle already. Now I want to use it in more efficient ways.

There is no shame in confusion or fear. "There was only shame in the silence fear had produced. . . . It was the silence that betrayed us."

There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age.

Pleasure becomes a value, a teleological end in itself. It's probably more Western than U.S. per se.

Abstinence is approved of God.

Consciousness will not always solve the problem, but it may make the suffering meaningful.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

They had to call and call And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

The gospel announces that God doesn't relate to us based on our feats for Jesus, but Jesus' feats for us.