I'm not raising the children, I'm raising the grown ups that they're going to be.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

The temptationTo take the precious things we have apartTo see how they workMust be resisted for they never fit together

While Time, The endless idiot, runs screaming round the world.

By talking to yourself about the things you have to be grateful for you can fill your mind with thoughts that soar and sing.

Being sexy doesn't mean you shouldn't be safe.

Sometimes, the darkest part of the morning is just before dawn

Nothing endures. Not a tree. Not love. Not even death by violence.

Spread love and understanding,” Reacher said. “Use force if necessary.

Romeo wouldn’t change his mind. That’s why people still remembered his name, always twined with hers.

I realized that I needed to be more like the shepherd than the hired hand in protecting my team.

Let us not burden our remembrances with a heaviness that's gone.