I'm not really a celebrity; I'm just vestigially left over from doing stuff from before.

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

The criminal mind is perverted and convoluted but almost invariably unimaginative, 'he said as Molly came out in a fluster

I'm not representing other people. I'm representing me.

I'm selling evolution. You grow or you die.

The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.

I was in a band when I was 15. We were a glam band. Then I couldn't afford to buy makeup. At the time that was the thing.

Heal the past, live the present, dream the future.

In an age of relativism, orthodoxy is the only possible rebellion left

He leaned closer to me and then seemed shocked as he realized what he was doing. "Why would you do that? Why would you do that for me?

You know how to stop abortion? Require that each one occur with a gun.