I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

I fell in love with the expression in his eyes when he looked at me.

I'm going to take care of the man I'm with. I grew up in a household where my mum takes care of my dad - she cooks, she does everything - and that's the kind of girl I am.

Note 4. For these and other reasons the cat is also very hard to photograph. The best photographs are instantaneous, as the mere breathing of a cat will blur the fur in a time exposure.

At the end of the day, I feel like I have no one to blame but myself if I'm not satisfied with how I look on the runway.

The more facts you tell, the more you sell. An advertisement's chance for success invariably increases as the number of pertinent merchandise facts included in the advertisement increases.

The skeptic may deny your doctrine or attack your church but he cannot honestly ignore the fact that your life has been changed.

The most dangerous poison is the feeling of achievement. The antidote is to every evening think what can be done better tomorrow.

Baloney fudging mustard!

The dog that will follow everbody ain't worth a curse.

Fiction takes us to places that we would never otherwise go, and puts us behind eyes that are not our own.