I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Thoughts don't become things

Nothing is so infectious as example.

The principal factors which influenced my life are 1) nonviolent tactics 2) constitutional means 3) democratic procedures 4) respect for human personality 5) a belief that all people are one.

Hate does not produce love, and by hate one cannot remake the world.

Class envy is dangerous.

It's so hard to actually get the money to make your movie. When you actually have the chance to do it, you have to be absolutely ruthless in order to make the best movie you can make.

I would rather be happy and feel fulfilled and challenged every single day than just sit somewhere and get by.

What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.

Dimitri: "They weren't supposed to let you in."Rose: "Yeah. Well, I kind of found a work-around."Dimitri: "Of course you did."- Dimitri Belikov and Rose Hathaway (Spirit Bound)

Almost anything can be dealt with if people are of good will and light hearts and strong values.