I'm not sure why I like cats so much. I mean, they're really cute obviously. They are both wild and domestic at the same time.

A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending their feeling of disbelief. It might piss a few people off, but I can't help it.

I like the comedians that go into detail and tell longer stories.

Love is such a confusing word. You think I'm joking but I'm not.

I think narcissists are endlessly watchable. The way they view the world and the way they interact within the world.

In real life, comedians aren't funny.

I knew that if I was going to write a book, I was going to have to read one, too.

I tend to a lot of improvisational ranting, and that's fun. For me, stand-up has been, performance-wise, a really good outlet.

I like doing all different types of comedy - stand-up, sketch, movies, TV. I like to try everything.

Cats are unpredictable because they're wild and domestic at the same time. Watching a cat's behavior is like a small window into the wild.

Maybe in 10 years,I'll only be doing "classical" comedy. Or crashing my car into trees.

She did not care very much for other little girls, but if she had plenty of books she could console herself.

It...whatever 'it' is, has swallowed me and I lie here in the pit of its cold dark stomach being eaten alive by its bile and I...I don't even know if I want to be saved.

The vixen I met at twilight on Route 5 south of Willoughby: long dead. She was an omen to me, surviving, herding her cubs in the silvery bend of the road in nineteen sixty-five.

Chance is the pseudonym God uses when He'd rather not sign His own name.

And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.

Don't create enmity with anyone as God is within everyone.

The root of great companies is make meaning vs. make money.

Becoming a good listener, you are able to connect with others on more levels and develop stronger, deeper relationships.

I've talked to dozens of Chicagoans who will only go off the record in talking about the manufactured mythology.

I hate it when people lose it, there's nothing left because they're not interesting, they're boring, I hate it, and especially smack, people on smack are the most boring in the world.