I'm not trying to be modest of self-deprecating or in any way trying to do that.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

The process of acceptance is to train your mind to focus on what you have.

Irony is just honesty with the volume cranked up.

My mom is cool and my mom will treat you right.

It takes time to figure it out.Give yourself sometime.It took Abraham 100yrs

Adapting to changes represents an important characteristic of human nature, essential for the development of human society.

In the cold, shivering twilight, preceding the daybreak of civilization, the dominating emotion of man was fear.

Membership in a conspiracy, as in an army, frees people from the sense of personal responsibility.

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.

The country is governed for the richest, for the corporations, the bankers, the land speculators, and for the exploiters of labor.

To ask advice is in nine cases out of ten to tout for flattery.