I'm not white, I don't apologize for what my country did to become great

When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.

I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.

If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.

Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.

I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!

When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.

An uncomfortable marriage can not bear the strain of the death of a beloved donkey.

His principles were out of date, but there was a good deal to be said for his prejudices.

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.

You play ensemble things that you had no idea you were going to play two minutes before.

I always said that the world is a better place because of Joey Ramone

I was in America, someone wanted a photo with me, I put my arm around her and she told me not to touch her.

Change doesn't happen with people sitting on their behinds, getting lazy.

Never lose faith in yourself; you can do anything in the universe.

The more torque I can come up with, the better.

Such, such were the joys When we all, girls and boys, In our youth time were seen On the Echoing Green.