I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

Thinking little of yourself is not humility.

There is some magic in wealth, which can thus make persons pay their court to it, when it does not even benefit themselves.

No one teaches mindfulness better than Thich Nhat Hanh.

Let us never forget that what we are is more important than what we do.

I'm an escapist kind of writer.

I could be compassionate, if I wanted. Metias would be merciful. But I was never as good a person as my brother.

Sometimes human nature can leave you looking just a little shamefaced.

To heal my wounds, I need to be brave enough to face them.

Hold the door for an old man. Old ladies can take care of themselves; they've been doing it long enough.

I say what I mean. I don't speak in code. That's why I am a star and ace communicator.