I'm of an age when if I started to do eulogies, I'd be doing nothing else. You don't want to be remembered? I don't want them to be told to remember me.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

It is important to keep your head up and follow what you believe is right.

I see a lot of fog and a few lights. I like it when life's hidden. It gives you a chance to imagine nice things, nicer than they are.

One road was simple acceptance of life, the other road offered sweet peace. When I made my decision, my vision became my release.

John Lott has done the most extensive, thorough and sophisticated study we have on the effects of loosening gun control laws.

Basically, my musical life is split between raving with drugged-up kids and reading obscure 75-year-old poetry, drinking very nice red wine with aged, graying men.

Pity costs nothing, and it ain't worth nothing.

Perhaps the biggest problem in journalism is the cult divide between journalists and corporate owners.

Por que bonita, se coxa? Por que coxa, se bonita?

The winners stun us not by their cleverness, but by the fact that every tiny aspect of the business is just a touch better than the norm.