I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

My parents were my worst audience.

I love being famous. It validates that I have something to say.

For 45 years I've worked without an audience.

My humor is channeling everything through my brain. For example, when I talk about something, it's how Richard Lewis feels about it. I'm a storyteller. I do a lot of free association.

I never wanted to do observational humor because I never wanted to tell people what they were seeing.

There ought to be at least as much common sense about living and dying as there is about going to the grocery store and buying a loaf of bread.

I tried the Atkins diet in the Seventies when pregnant with my son, as I didn't want to pile on the pounds. Now, so long as I'm healthy, I don't care what my scales say.

If you have never been called a defiant, incorrigible, impossible woman… have faith. There is yet time.

And if that isnt the truth, it would be a lie.

A lot of people say I'm bent, and I've heard it so many times that I've almost learned to accept it.

A beautiful woman peers out her window, as full of envy as the harridan who peers up at her from the street.

Hard winds and strong ideas have powerful muscles; they can knock you down easily!

Billy (Martin) was a great one for jokes. He liked to play a joke more than anyone I ever knew.

I'm not 40 yet. I wouldn't even bother comparing myself to Chaplin.

I guess they call it suicide, but I'm to full to swallow my pride I can't stand losing you The Police Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well.