I'm pretty good at getting over people throwing stuff at me. If you've been doing stand up long enough you know how to swing back and get the laughs.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

A genuine feminist politics always brings us from bondage to freedom, from lovelessness to loving... There can be no love without justice.

I feel like I've gotten to the point in my career and in my life where I can allow myself to write whatever comes into my head and not judge it too harshly.

My dad was a great dad.

Being on stage is what I enjoy.

Hollywood is a perpetual summerland, a temperate, godless yaw where the very word 'season' has been co-opted by television executives. There are few harbingers of winter here.

In a machine, every part has a function. In a poem, every word needs to be there.

If you want to end terrorism stop participating in it.

We want American families to feel more confident in life. We want the next generation to know that yes, the best days of this country are still ahead of us.

Truth is better for humanity than ignorance, lies, or spin. And it's more interesting.

All things began in Order, so shall they end, and so shall they begin again, according to the Ordainer of Order, and the mystical mathematicks of the City of Heaven.