I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

My mom was always the supplier of soccer balls, and so people were always knocking on my door, and trying to get me out so we could play.

Dating should be a part of your life, not your life a part of dating. There is more to life than finding a date.

I have to finish it in order to know whether it deserves to survive.

The world needs you. It needs that special thing you've been dreaming about since you were little.

You will not even have enough time to go online and download all the patches to your computer before it is infected.

More glorious to merit a sceptre than to possess one.

Endeavour to play easy pieces well and with elegance; that is better than to play difficult pieces badly.

The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it's too late.

It's more fun to be a pirate than to join the Navy.

A statement necklace glams up any outfit without feeling like too much.