I'm professional, I'm allowed to say this. I let him lick my balls. So, that's what you need to get close with your animal.

We all know the moon isn't made out of green cheese...but if it was made out of barbeque spare ribs would you eat it?

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.

I've always wanted to sail around the world in a handmade boat and I built a boat.

A fashion plate, a rock star in his own mind, Megamind is more showman than deadly menace.

Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

I have the physique a lot of people dream about having. It's my obligation to share it with the world.

Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I look good. I mean, really good. Hey everyone! Come and see how good I look!

I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work

Photography is without mercy--though it's nonsense to say it does not lie. Rather, it lies in a particular, capricious way which makes beggars of ministers and gods of cat's meat men.

Normal...is relative.

I'm a Scorpio, and who knows if there is any validity to it, but I'm very emotional. I have high highs and low lows.

I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.

This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is." "Okay." Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?" "No, only joking. Do your worst.

Success demands a high level of logistical and organizational competence.

Many commit the same crimes with a very different result. One bears a cross for his crime; another a crown.

I will fly around the world doing good for the environment.

I don't have moments of weakness. I'm Rik Mayall.

Would you please tell me what you are thinking? Before I go mad?