I'm really tired of virtue.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

If you want to double your productively, shorten the timeline to by 50%.

Eyes so young, so full of pain ... Two lonely drops of winter rain ... And no tear could these eyes sustain ... For too much had they seen.

As long as there is life, my dear friends, laughter will be the weapon of we who mock it even as we struggle to understand it.

People say that if you find water rising up to your ankle, that's the time to do something about it, not when it's around your neck.

These are ideas that work for many, and that may well reflect your true understanding of life.

The stage play is a trial, not a deed of violence. The soul is opened, like the combination of a safe, by means of a word. You don't require an acetylene torch.

I think I love you, Cal." -Abra I'm not good." -Cal Because you're not good." -Abra

My first restoration was on Napoleon, trying to put the French version in with the English version, and it was most unsatisfactory.

Men of reason have endured;men of passion have lived.

Blood is not destiny.