I'm scared David""That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of

Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.

Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.

To this day I don’t know if he was struggling with the moral implications of gunning down half a dozen civilians, or if he was mentally counting to see if he had that many shells left in the gun.

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It’ll be time to start a Web site soon, where you’ll type out everything in one huge paragraph.

Here’s exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that—

... life is a flickering candle we all carry around. A gust of wind, a meaningless accident, a microsecond of carelessness, and it's out. Forever.

You see, time is an ocean, not a garden hose. Space is a puff of smoke, a wisp of cloud.

My melon soulCrushed by your Gallagher of apathy

I tried to say something cool, wound up stammering something like, “WANNA YOU WANNA WEENIE ME?” The end kind of trailed off in a shrill, choking warble.

Why do some people always see beautiful skies and grass and lovely flowers and incredible human beings while others are hard-pressed to find anything or any place that is beautiful?

When we reach the point where the women athletes are getting their pick of dates just as easily as the men athletes, then we've really and truly arrived. Parity at last!

I do what I can do when I can do it.

Does God ask us to do what is beneath us? This question will never trouble us again if we consider the Lord of heaven taking a towel and washing feet.

You have to be precisely in the moment in order to box. And I just love that. I just love the idea of right now we're here, be here.

I'm a morning person: if I don't get up, put the coffee on and get to my desk by 8, the day has already lost a lot of its promise.

Glitter is my makeup of choice.

We all make mistakes, and it's not until we make mistakes that we learn.

Using PowerPoint is like having a loaded AK-47 on the table.

Liking who you are and liking what you do can make you an incredibly successful person.