I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Adam understood, then, that Gansey and Blue’s awe changed this place. Ronan and Adam may have seen this place as magical, but Gansey and Blue’s wonder made it holy.

You send a message by what you say and what you do. If words aren’t supported with consistent actions, they will ring hollow.

Then I closed my eyes.That was it. That was Before. Now here we go into After.

In 1966, I bought my parents a carriage clock for their silver wedding anniversary. It was last wound 30 years later, in December 1996, the month my father died.

You know ladies and gentlemen, a long time ago , there were lots of people, but that was a long time ago

Don't let your want for perfection become procrastination

Always think about practice... theory is not the endpoint of work, it is the work along the way to work.

Naturalness is the basis of effectiveness. If one poses to be something else, one loses the charm of naturalness. The result is that one accumulates stress.

Management is about human beings. Its task is to make people capable of joint performance, to make their strengths effective and their weaknesses irrelevant.

Cast from your heart the bitterness.