I'm smart cause I'm Korean, I'm not so smart cause I'm from the south. They cancel each other out, so I'm even.

College is great. It's the only time in life where you can write a check for 39 cents... and bounce it.

My wife at times will say I'm stubborn, selfish, insensitive, vague, deaf at times, blah, blah, blah... but she's never said I was boring!

My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully I'm more cerebral than a 10-year-old... but if you ask my wife, I'm not!

As a comedian, I have the gift of looking at something a bit differently and making it funny. I'm not sure why I can do that, but that's as simple as I can put it.

So, I'm from the South. So I guess that makes me South Korean.

I have one show biz picture in my house. It's with Mr. Hope. I have asked for one autograph in my life: Mr. Hope's.

I'm an Asian with a Southern accent. To a lot of people, that right there is funny.

My way of telling stories is kind of what I do naturally. It's no different from how I would talk to you if you were in my living room.

My wife gets mad because we'll be in the middle of something and I'll stop and say, 'No, I've got to write this down!' She'll say, 'No! We're in a discussion!' I say, 'I know, but it's hilarious!

Growing up, I loved Bill Cosby and Bob Newhart. They are a big reason I'm a storyteller because they are two of the best.

I can categorically tell you that Mario Balotelli will not be at Liverpool.

There is room neither for the poet nor for the contemplator in an egalitarian world.

There is no difference between machine autonomy and the abdication of human responsibility.

The virtue of a piece is the writer’s thoughts.

Listen real hard to the smartest guy in the room before you go trying to prove how smart you are.

I believe that UNICEF is the most important branch of the U.N.; they do exceptional work to help the neediest children around the world

I’m the one who looks at the infant, smiles nervously, and as my contribution to small talk, robotically announces to the parent, “Your child looks healthy and well cared for.

I'm not a super adventurous eater and I try to make myself try things.

We are not forced into unpleasant activities. We either allow them to come about or we encourage them to come about.

Hate and mistrust are the children of blindness.