I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

I believe in the gods. Or rather I believe that I believe in the gods. But I don't believe that they are great brooding presences watching over us I believe they are completely absent-minded.

We are outside again, walking, when he takes a bite and stops dead. "Wow, " he says after a minute. Then, "Wow, " again.I smile. Everyone remembers their first taste of Paris. This will be his.

Most of the time I believe in letting kids go ahead and make their own mistakes - maybe even get a little hurt - and learn from them.

Frankly, my politics are pretty left of left

And still I persist in wondering whether folly must always be our nemesis.

Paramore is a family. Once youre in it, youre in it for life.

When there's an authentic mystery, as opposed to just a question being asked, that's what makes you lean forward.

I am busier now than I ever imagined I would be, but I feel blessed in that I have found what I am supposed to be doing with my life. It's wonderful to tell stories and have people listen to them.

The only way to learn is to keep doing something new, and, if you're lucky, learning with people who really know how to do it.

There is no greater path to mediocrity in life than trying to be realistic.