I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

The most important love in life is the one that comes from you to you.

To understand the actual world as it is, not as we should wish it to be, is the beginning of wisdom.

You are to have implicit confidence in your own ability, knowing that it is the nature of thought to externalize itself in your health and affairs, knowing that you are the thinker.

I don't know how to be a friend. I don't know how to be anything.

Whoever is winning at the moment will always seem to be invincible.

For Shakespeare, in the matter of religion, the choice lay between Christianity and nothing. He chose nothing.

We create a product nobody needs but people want. You spend more for what you really want; some boring things you need: an ugly old car can wait, but if you have a new fashion item it cannot wait.

We are able to help animals all around the world as a result of the media and entertainment business, which is able to spread compassion and change at rapid speed.

Love risks everything and asks for nothing.

The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire.