I'm the Lord of the Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, it's me!

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

A world in the hand is worth two in the bush.

What is "martinizing" and why does it only take one hour?

If you could have won, you should have.

The spirit of a painting is very hard to explain and articulate. I can't say it's not intentional because that is the mark I'm trying to hit, however I don't feel I have much control over it.

Everytime you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself: That's it. That's my heart.

Fashion makes fools of some, sinners of others, and slaves of all.

If you're going to think mean things about me or not be a true friend, then we don't need to be friends.

I think my audience is smart. If there's a way to be entertained and get things out - real things, not stupid moral crap - that's the best.

If I've learned one thing in life, it's you can never go back.

I don't care how far we've come with "women's liberation," with all these things. In a man's mind, he still needs to be the support of his family. He needs to hold up the world.