I'm there to make people laugh. I'm not trying to come across as sexy.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Nothing brings to life again a forgotten memory like a fragrance.

To those of you who are enslaved by your past, may my story set you free. For youth is innocent and its beauty is to always be cherished.

When one is not able to take a decision out of many alternatives, the mind unconsciouslydivides into many parts – sometimes as many as the alternatives.

Time is a circus always packing up and moving away.

POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

American English is essentially English after having been wiped off with a dirty sponge.

If you don't control your life, someone else will.

That's the thing I loved about drag queens, life was a constant movie; no matter how ridiculously things didn't match they would sacrifice everything for the pose, and I was definitely into the pose.

California is maybe the richest place in the world. They're destroying the best public education system in the world.

The cause I am most passionate about is natural birthing. I had my son at home, and it was the most primal, intuitive, empowering, and loving experience I've ever had.