I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.

If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'

If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!

Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.

I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.

When Darkness surrounds you, look for the stars. When Jealousy whispers, kill it with laughter. When Hate hurts you, love with all your strength.

Lord I am willing to walk with you, take my hand.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

One thing the Devil fears the most is the Church that obeys and goes not just sits and talks.

Mediocrity can talk, but it is for genius to observe.

We need love - an awesome love grounded in the evolutionary potential for life on Earth - to become the organizing principle for human society.

...secretly I lament the hundreds [of fish] we never caught because we forever persisted in fishing only the likliest holding water.

Continuity is one of the things I like about New England.

Learn to think like a winner. Think positive and visualize your strengths.